Last week, I very much appreciated the chance to chat with Kate Snow on NBC News about the rising rates of loneliness in girls, and how caregivers might respond.
This was my first time on live network TV, though I’ve done pre-recorded (and hence editable) spots and I was honestly surprised by how quickly the time went, and how much fun I was having by the end…. though I was definitely sweating at the beginning! I also realized I had more to say than the time allowed, and I’m capturing some of my longer form thoughts for you here.
The interview was about new survey data from the Girl Scouts of the USA showing that nearly 70% of girls 5-13 years (N=1000) feel lonely and have low self-esteem — worsening as they get older — with very real health impacts.
When asked how parents can know that their kids are lonely, I pointed out that younger children may not be able to directly verbalize a new concern or stressor, and that instead, changes in health or behavior might serve as clues to dig deeper. For instance:
Is a chronic health condition like asthma or eczema flaring?
Are there any changes in sleep, mood, appetite, and behavior?
Connection is the antidote to loneliness — first and foremost with oneself — absolutely required before we can meaningfully connect with others.
This is especially hard today. Young people are often developing from the outside in — cultivating that outer image, such as on social media, instead of tapping into and building who they really are inside.
5 things a caregiver can do to bolster kids’ sense of self-worth and connectedness:
I would love to hear your additions and thoughts.
✅ Cultivate kids’ inner values, interests, and connections
Compliment a young person’s core attributes, rather than their looks. Replace “that’s such a nice dress” or “I love your smile” with something intrinsic you admire about them — like “I loved how you kind you were to Billy today.” Take their lead on joint activities that they choose: Spend time together in nature, cultivate a hobby like art or dance, and enable them to connect with others who share their interests.
✅ Create a family culture of anti-perfectionism
Embrace and even celebrate failure and mistakes — as necessary for growth.
✅ Let kids struggle!
Give kids space to figure things out for themselves (while still being available for support), especially when they’re trying something new, from tying their shoelaces on their own to addressing schoolyard drama. This builds self-efficacy and builds to mastery. Importantly, it gives them the message that you believe they can do new, hard things — and succeed. Watch them rise to that expectation.
✅ Invest in tech-free zones
These are essential for meaningful in-person connection, such as a daily walk or family dinner — where any topic can be broached (see below). Also keep cell phones out of reach for deep work/study time — even having them out, on silent, steals attention and other cognitive resources. Norwegian middle schools that banned cell phones had higher grades and nearly 60% lower need for specialty care, including for mental health, in girls, and 40-50% less bullying for both boys and girls.
✅ Have an open door policy
Encourage kids to talk to you about anything that concerns them — online or offline. Emphasize that nothing is off limits, and you will love them no matter what.
Wishing you light,
Dr Devika Bhushan
5 ways to bolster kids' self-esteem