Dear community,
A year and a half ago, I had a meeting that went in a way I would never have predicted. My then boss, Dr Nadine Burke Harris, was resigning — and to my surprise, I had been nominated to serve as California’s Acting Surgeon General.
When I first began the position in February 2022, I was 35 and freshly back from parental leave with an 8-month-old at home. My fears that I might be unsuited to the role were loud. In short: My imposter syndrome (with me throughout my career) was roaring.
Though I’d served as the office’s Chief Health Officer since its founding in 2019 and deeply understood our platform on childhood adversity from leading our research and clinical work, there would be plenty of new challenges ahead. I had never given legislative testimony, opened public meetings, issued public health advisories and statements, or spoken to audiences of hundreds from a stage. My inner monologue: Would I be able to do any of it? Was I good enough?…More simply, Was I enough?
Over the course of seven months of serving as Acting California Surgeon General, I found ways of quieting those internal doubts. Once I got out of my own way, not only did I find myself capable of learning how to lead in these new ways, but with practice, I was able to tap into my inner flame and lead from a place of deep authenticity rather than a place of fear. Among other things, I’m proud to have built a culture that prioritized connection, self-care, and anti-burnout practices (a topic for another post).
As I look back now, the most valuable lesson I learned in the role was trusting and learning to inhabit my authentic self — and becoming more comfortable with the prospect of failure and mistakes.
It was these lessons that ultimately led me to share my mental health journey publicly towards the end of my tenure, in August 2022.
I’d love to share with you the tools that helped me deal with imposter syndrome. Day to day, it was about unlearning unhelpful self-talk and perfectionism and replacing them with self-compassionate realism.
The term ‘imposter phenomenon’ first appeared in the literature in 1978, when two American psychologists, Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes, described its presence in high-achieving women, though we now know it can show up for many others:
“Despite outstanding academic and professional accomplishments, women who experience the impostor phenomenon persist in believing that they are really not bright and have fooled anyone who thinks otherwise.” —Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes, 1978
Does this sound familiar? Let’s find out how many in our community currently identify with imposter syndrome:
The vast majority of us — up to 70% — will experience imposter syndrome at some point.
Even success at the highest levels doesn’t prevent it. Former US First Lady Michelle Obama, US Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayer, and artist Beyoncé have all talked about feeling this way. “I am always looking over my shoulder wondering if I measure up,” Justice Sotomayer has said.
In the end, imposter syndrome can drive overwork, burnout, decreased job satisfaction, and poorer health, including greater depression and anxiety.
Imposter syndrome is especially prominent in those of us who don’t fit the traditional mold of ‘success’ in our workplaces, including minoritized people, who might be ‘first’s or ‘only’s and face constant threats to full inclusion. Structural and interpersonal racism, sexism, classism, xenophobia, and other kinds of bias can give us repeated messages that we don’t belong. So “[w]hen employees from marginalized backgrounds try to hold themselves up to a standard that no one like them has met (and that they’re often not expected to be able to meet), the pressure to excel can become too much to bear,” write Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey in their iconic Harvard Business Review piece, Stop telling women they have imposter syndrome.
And imposter syndrome gets dialed up in times of transition or newness. For many of us, it’s never completely gone — just quieter in some moments and louder in others.
Though its genesis is undoubtedly systemic, here are some individually-oriented exercises I’ve found helpful to overcoming imposter syndrome.
1. Cultivate your inner flame
Each of us have an inner flame that is uniquely ours. Its presence can get masked by an overly loud inner critic and the expectations and voices of those around us — but it’s always there with us, for us to tap into, nurture, and protect. Think of it as your truest self: it comes alive when we pay attention to it and intentionally fan it — harder than it sounds. It’s what gives you your unique perspectives, values, and superpowers. And when you lead and grow from this place, you lead authentically and sustainably — and as your best self.
Make a list of times in your life where you felt authentically yourself in an endeavor — and make note of what factors allowed you to feel this way. For some of us, this might involve digging as far back as childhood. Write down the values that you deeply identify with and embodied in these moments.
What are your unique strengths and attributes? (Some of us may benefit from asking loved ones to help here.) When have you been able to use and build on them? How can you call upon them more in your current work?
Make note of the kinds of missions, activities, and people that motivate you, give you energy, and help nurture that inner flame, as opposed to dimming it. Seek these energy-givers out.
Protect your flame: Be intentional about setting up boundaries and offsetting energy-draining experiences with energy-giving ones.
Consider writing out a personal mission statement(s) that embodies your values
By the way: You’ll often see advice that you should make a list of achievements to help combat imposter syndrome. In my view, this is a Bandaid approach. It underscores an unhealthy link between our achievements and our self-worth — one we need to actively dissolve to truly combat the roots of imposter syndrome.
Our true self-worth derives instead from discovering and honoring our flames. The work here is to tap into and embolden your truest, most authentic voice — and your unique gifts.
2. Take up the space you deserve
Sometimes the one person who can’t see us being successful or taking on something different and new is ourself. Our inner critics can be so loud that they stifle our ability to think creatively or expansively and harness our potential.
In this step, we have to consciously re-work the way we think about and talk to ourselves — and to allow ourselves to take up the space we deserve, both in our own minds and in our interactions.
Write down the limiting thoughts and beliefs you have about your abilities or yourself. Often, these thoughts embody black-and-white thinking, should-ing, or other cognitive distortions. Reframe each one with another statement that is more realistic and more loving — as you might talk to your child, close friend, or partner.
For example, the automatic thought “I am not good at public speaking,” could become: “I haven’t had many opportunities to practice this skill yet, and I know it’s scary to think about doing this. But with each opportunity, I will get better and better. And I do have the potential to be good at this.”
Some people find it useful to give their inner critics a persona — to separate themselves from the chatter — and to create bad-ass alter egos instead (see 2): “There goes Miss Stacy again; I’m not buying into her narrative.”
Consider developing a visualization, mantra, dance move, or phrase that helps you feel solid and self-assured at key times. The sillier and the more you this is — like an inside joke to yourself — the better it’ll work at invoking your core identities and values when you most need to call upon them.
I have phrases written on index cards that I say out loud to myself before important moments, the way an athlete might prep for an event: “Game face ON!” “You’ve got this!”
Take up space to step into your power.
Uncross your arms and legs; deliberately take up physical space in your seat and in the room (physical or virtual), using your posture and voice.
Use intonation that allows you to believe in what you’re saying. Practice the words you might use in a meeting or presentation in front of the mirror or on video so you both absorb your own power and can intentionally make any tweaks in presentation that serve your needs.
Silence is another tool that helps us take up space — and allows us time to connect with our inner flame in guiding decisions and responses. Practice comfort with silence in interactions without immediately needing to fill it, to allow for that authentic response. This can work both in the moment and for asynchronous communication like e-mail.
3. Call upon an alter ego
Visualize a time that you succeeded in something difficult or new. What values and attributes of you shone? Write them down.
Now visualize a mentor or person that you admire. What qualities of theirs do you most admire and which are on your growth edge? Jot these down.
In your mind, develop a visual of someone who combines those admired qualities from your heroes and from yourself in key moments from the past — and if it feels comfortable, imbue these amalgamated qualities with a personality and name.
In essence, this is an alter ego of you — and allows you to summon these powerful aspects of yourself at will. We can powerfully see this alter ego — who is you — succeeding at what’s ahead.
Called the ‘Batman effect,’ this visualization empowers us to intentionally call forth these necessary attributes in ourselves whenever we want or need.
An alter ego also creates psychological distance from our immediate feelings of fear or anxiety, and re-channels that activation towards motivation and can-do-ness.
The Marines famously use the power of positive visualization — such as seeing themselves walking through and succeeding at a new mission — as a core part of preparation. This is a powerful technique for us to harness.
Beyoncé used an alter ego, Sasha Fierce (as in the name of her 2008 album, I am… Sasha Fierce), to help her optimally perform on stage for years.
“[W]hen I hear the chords, when I put on my stilettos—like, the moment right before… you’re nervous… then Sasha Fierce appears, and my posture and the way I speak and everything is different,” Beyoncé shared with Oprah Winfrey in an interview.
4. Release perfectionism
Often, when we are in a position that’s new or uncomfortable for any reason — like a transition at work or home — some of us cope with the uncertainties by subconsciously aspiring to an ideal of success that is far beyond any objective standard. In other words, we hold up in our own minds a vision of what success looks like that is impossible to attain.
This is both the seductive allure and the deep betrayal of perfectionism — it trips us up by conjuring a goal that is just never achievable.
For example, I had in my mind an unrealistic standard of what speaking on stage should look like — no nerves, perfect delivery, no missed or flubbed lines. And so I would always fall short of these expectations.
Earlier on in my career, if I didn’t have something thoroughly researched and thought through, I would rather remain silent at a meeting than contribute my thinking in process — which meant many good ideas, or ones that could’ve been made better through discussion — were never heard. Worse, I didn’t learn to value my thinking in progress.
When I’d make a mistake at work, especially interpersonally, I would dwell on it for days — punishing myself by replaying it over and over — rather than learning a valuable lesson from it and moving on.
This step is hard for many of us, and is ultimately about replacing our perfectionistic self-expectations with realism and self-compassion. Replacing rigidity in approach with cognitive and emotional flexibility. And allowing our authentic selves to define how we operate, rather than an ideal standard divorced from our needs, values, or realities. I’ve personally found this perfectionism workbook to be very helpful for learning these skills, often a work in progress.
Perfectionists tend to over-estimate our own flaws and under-emphasize strengths — which pairs exceedingly well with imposter syndrome.
As you go through a new experience, regularly meditate or journal on your specific wins and learnings to actively counteract this tendency. This is especially important when you are in a position where you are learning in part through making mistakes — like in medical residency. Bonus: You’ll be amazed at how much you learned when you look back.
Accept that success in a new circumstance doesn’t look like doing it error-free — which is not possible. Instead, strive for doing it with the best intentions and effort you can muster. And sometimes — like when your infant is up all night — that’ll means giving it your 20% or 30%, because that’s what you can muster. And deeply accept that that’s good enough… because it truly is your best.
Relatedly: Internalize that at any given moment, you are doing the very best you can — with the resources you have access to at that moment in time. Repeat this to yourself when you need to hear it.
Reframe mistakes as needed opportunities for growth and learning. With practice, mistakes may even become moments to celebrate because they mean certain progress. In fact, if you are not making mistakes, you are likely not taking enough risks or trying on enough new experiences to support optimal growth.
Journal or create a voice memo about what you learn from mistakes you make. This will help you reframe mistakes as helpful, process those learnings, and also, move away from ruminating on mistakes.
Remember: We all works in progress — and worthy of love and compassion from ourselves just as we are on any given day.
I know first-hand that our struggles against imposter syndrome and perfectionism are anything but easy — but with practice and mindful intention, you’ll get closer and closer to banishing them. I believe in you.
In the end, it’s about embracing who you truly are — by nurturing your inner flame and living by the values that enable authenticity.
Take the time to name and nourish your unique assets — forged through your unique journey.
Your inner flame is powerful — and yours alone.
Once you begin to trust it to guide you, you will be surprised at how quickly imposter feelings recede and at the transformative growth that takes their place.
Wishing you light,
Dr Devika Bhushan
Love this post so much, having had imposter syndrome a couple of times over the years of my career. The part about perfectionism is perfect! Thanks for sharing your light. Susan
From Katherine Oppenheim, posted on Facebook — shared here with permission:
What a thoughtful piece that speaks to a lot of the self expectations that I’ve developed, culturally over the years and am learning to reframe a lot of the rhetoric.
Excellently executed and articulated piece on imposter syndrome!
Thank you for this, Devika.