Let's sleep better — with a simple bedtime routine
Week 3: Harnessing the power of a bedtime routine
Dear community,
These days, we’re practicing ways to sleep better — together.
Sleep has been a nemesis of mine for as long as I have been an adult. Thankfully, my recovery journey with bipolar disorder has led me to discover some powerful tools for higher-quality sleep — and it’s a joy to share them here with you, one by one, week by week.
In weeks 1 and 2, we covered how exposure to morning sunlight and evening darkness helps us naturally unlock better sleep.
This week, we’ll target something that will feel very familiar to the parents here and may seem deceptively simple: a soothing, consistent bedtime routine.
Our kids need this, no matter how old they are, and little known fact — adults can benefit from one, too!
Recall Pavlov’s dogs: Repeatedly pairing the sound of a bell with the appearance of food led the dogs to exhibit a strong salivation response to just the sound of the bell on its own — a classically conditioned response.
A bedtime routine works like this, too (though it mixes elements of classical and operant conditioning).
When we come back to the same soothing activities over and over, every evening, we powerfully condition our brains to associate these activities with the physiologic changes that signal transitioning into sleep. With practice, the routine itself can then cue us to switching into relaxing and then sleeping.
A good bedtime routine is relaxing and enjoyable, with elements you look forward to — without being activating.
As an example, here’s what I do (on a good night), after putting my son to bed, around 8:30 pm:
Turn the temperature down to what feels cool and comfortable with the blanket in place (depending on where I am, I sometimes include a fan or cracking open a window here)
Change into night clothes
Brush my teeth, wash my face, take my medications (some nights, I do these first steps earlier, with my son)
Chat with my husband about anything on either of our minds
Settle into reading a book (fiction—I always need a way to change gears from my day): the length of time I spend here depends on how sleepy I am; some nights, I only read a page or two — other nights, I read for 30 or 40 minutes
I keep a pad and pen handy on my bedside in case I think of any to-dos or stray thoughts I need to ‘dump’ from my brain and return to later; I try to keep my phone far from where I’m sleeping — and on silent
Especially when I’m having a hard time with sleep, I wear blue light-blocking glasses throughout the evening
When I’m sleepy, I turn off the lights, put on my eye mask and ear plugs, and focus on my breath as I fall asleep
Things that I occasionally find myself doing that are decidedly not helpful for a bedtime routine — and I do what I can to avoid these pitfalls:
Check my email
Doom-scroll
Read or listen to the news
Check my calendar and make plans for the next workday
So: this week, I empower each of you to establish a bedtime routine if this has gotten away from you or to reboot one you’ve had in the past — and explore how returning to it night after night might help you more reliably get those Zs.
If you’re looking to create one: first, choose an ideal bedtime and then plan to devote 15-60 minutes before that bedtime to the bedtime routine.
Some elements to play with are: reading, journaling, soothing music or sounds, massage, mindful activities like meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, or visualizations (many apps can help with this; I like Calm — but if using your phone, try to keep your eyes off it, or wear blue light-blocking glasses), stretches or non-activating yoga, rhythmic tapping or rocking, and soothing scents like lavender.
(Rhythmic movements and sounds are worth considering incorporating — they’ve soothed us ever since our days in the womb, when our mother’s heart beat and diaphragmatic movements would keep us regular, metronomic company. This is why rhythmic white noise and rocking are so soothing to a baby.)
So — what’s your bedtime routine? What benefits have you felt?
Other articles from the ‘Let’s sleep better’ series:
Let’s sleep better…
Wishing you solid rest,
Dr Devika Bhushan
Excellent. Thank you.
I am sharing by email, a module prepared for caregivers by my team.
Great suggestions. I use many of these at bedtime too. Bedtime with younger children was always a special time for me when I was home. I cherished those evenings and miss them greatly. Susan