Dear community,
We’re in that special year-end ether where time feels strangely compressed and sped up at the same time.
In these last weeks of the year, it can feel especially easy to give in to feelings of panic, judgment, expectations, perfectionism, and dread — and of feeling like we must end the year with certain milestones met and that we can only mark the holidays in specific ways.
I’ll address the former today and the latter next week.
I have three important reminders as we swim through these next weeks:
You are enough just as you are — regardless of how much you accomplish (or leave undone) in 2023. And what you leave undone in 2023 will be waiting for you in the new year. There’s nothing magical about turning the page on one year to the next — we don’t have to perfectly wrap up anything. Come January, you’ll just continue from where you left off: don’t put undue pressure on yourself.
You don’t have to earn rest — it is already yours. That is, you don’t have to work yourself to the bone to earn time off to rejuvenate. Rest is yours because you are a human and humans need rest to thrive. And it is yours regardless of how much you finish or leave undone before the holidays (see 1). Create room for rest even while you ready yourself for the holiday break.
Consider deferring any additional asks to the new year — to support the mental health of all involved, and to help create space for joy and presence. Many somewhat urgent items are still not necessarily right now items. Given how much we juggle in this season (professional and personal), I encourage you to ask: Could I reasonably defer this to later? (Many times, the answer will be yes.) To the extent possible, I empower you to slot as-yet unaccomplished professional items for January or February — you will thank yourself, and so will those around you.
Also ask yourself: What else do I need space for in this moment? This might include planning, decompressing, grief or loss, and joy. Give yourself permission to make that space.
Let’s: Gift experiences and time
And as we enter a season of reflection and giving, let’s lift up the transformative power of being truly present with loved ones.
Let’s combat our culture of materialism by replacing gifting things with gifting our highest-quality time and experiences instead. These experiential gifts can involve new knowledge, community, bonding, playfulness, and exploration — of our inner child, of new ways of being. They can help create lasting memories, rather than the fleeting joys associated with gifting things like the latest gadgets or toys.
And let’s face it: all of us have been gifted things we unfortunately never use — that end up in donation piles and landfills.
Gifting experiences is not only better for the planet, but it better achieves our aims as gift-givers: to enable joy and connection. Moreover, experiential gifts fill our cups bidirectionally in more meaningful ways: allowing us to cement relationships through high-quality presence, connection, novelty or fun, and a sense of sustained satisfaction.
And as someone with a nomadic existence, I can very much attest: We (including kids!) don’t need many possessions to be happy — we mainly need high-quality time that centers playfulness and real understanding.
Experiential gifts to consider this holiday season:
A massage coupon
A subscription to a well-being or therapy app, like Calm or BetterHelp
Kindle or Spotify credits
A gift certificate to a special restaurant
A food delivery service (like Shef — yummy home cooking delivered right to you on a regular cadence)
Cook a special meal for someone
A cleaning service or pre-paid cleaning sessions
A gym or yoga membership
Professional coaching
Tickets to a comedy show, concert, play, or performance
An online course
A newsletter,* newspaper, or magazine subscription — for years, I’ve gifted The New Yorker subscriptions to folks
A streaming service
A weekend getaway
A way to deepen a hobby — like lessons or a 1-1 mentorship session with an expert
A special experience, especially one that involves high-quality time — encashable anytime — such as: Dinner together whenever you’d like; A vent session without interruptions
For families with kids:
An annual membership or a single entry for the family to a kid-friendly museum or experience
An offer to babysit while the parents get alone time
Sponsoring part of a child’s tuition for the year
An offer to teach the kids something experiential — a craft, hobby, or something about the natural world
A coupon for the kids to shadow you at work or at play
Movie or puppet show tickets
*If you’d like to gift Ask Dr Devika B to someone special, please click here:
If you enjoyed this, check out these other posts:
Where in the world? Chilies in doorways
Last week, we featured these three photos and asked for your guesses as to where each of these curious talismans originated. Time for the reveals!
Two vastly different cultures, in parts of Italy and India, have somehow triangulated on the same good-luck charm: dried chilies strung together with garlic and/or lemons — over doorways of businesses, homes, and in India, modes of transportation — to keep the ‘evil eye’ away. They happen to be natural pesticides, so they do keep certain energies at bay…
In India, in a few contexts, these talismans are an offering to Alakshmi, goddess of misfortune. (Alakshmi is thought to prefer sour and spicy flavors so this talisman appeases her, distracting her away from focusing on the underlying business or home.) In most instances, though, it’s just a general good-luck charm, endorsed not for a given rationale, but because it is common and people believe it can only help.
In Italy, the talisman functions similarly — bestowing good luck and mitigating the ‘evil eye’ in front of homes and businesses. The use of the chili there may be rooted in its similarity in shape and color to the devil’s horn (cornicello or cornetto), which is also a popular lucky charm.
And Naples, where this first photo was taken over a shopfront, is a famously superstitious place, home to 52 patron saints, by far the most of any Italian city — so you see these talismans everywhere.
Fun aside about Naples: The dried blood of Naples’s main patron saint, San Gennaro, is held in two vials in a key church. Legend has it that the blood magically liquifies on three specific dates of the year to protect the city from disasters like plagues and eruptions of Mount Vesuvius — which buried Pompeii and surrounding towns in 79 CE — and is still active nearby. During years that the saint’s blood does not liquify, there are widespread expectations of calamity, and many locals cite many famous examples — like 1980, when ~3000 people died in the earthquake of Irpinia.
In Santa Fe, the United States, these Olympic-sized dried chili bunches are called ristras and are decidedly more decorative and utilitarian than they are superstitious, serving as a way to dry chilies in the desert sun, and turning into a repository for cooking, such as for the region’s famous and fiery ‘red chile’ (surprisingly spicy!).
Though they also often appear in and around doorways, just like in Italy and India, locals say the ristras serve to welcome people. They are bold, beautiful, and instrinsically warm and inviting, given they’re among the most recognizable ingredients for a hearty meal. And unlike elsewhere, they are not protections from ‘the evil eye.’ The exuberance and ubiquity of ristras in homes, businesses, and public spaces is definitely unique to the Southwest region — like so many other sensory experiences there.
I’ll close with some final images of these talismans in their natural habitats (below): Enjoy!
Hoping that we can each feel like enough and have space for what we need in these last weeks of the year,
Dr Devika Bhushan
I am so enthusiastic to learn a connection btw chilies , lemons and garlic. History is very interesting thank you
Vindi kaur
The reminders were really helpful to me during the midst of the holiday season - thank you!